I have seen the future

Clock
Originally uploaded by redisred.

Drum roll please:

I have seen the as yet unreleased film “Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel”. Twice.

Or to be more accurate, I have seen two different cuts of the film. At the moment it doesn’t have all the music, it’s in mono and the special effects are obviously temporary or indeed, missing. But nevertheless, I have seen it, from beginning to end.

The story I made up in my brainhole and squirted from my fingers into a keyboard has now been squirted in through my eyes and back to the grey pulp where it began it’s journey.

“But Jamie” I can hear you all screaming in the void “Is it any good? Tell us details and stop beating around the bush, you fat ponce.”

Stop being so impatient. And rude. We’ll get there, we’ll get there.

My first viewing was with Justin and Neil, the producers, in the conference room of an office building. On a television. And about ten minutes in, I realised I had lost all perspective. I knew the jokes too well. I had forgotten why they were ever funny.

(Apparently Richard Curtis guards against similar fatigue by putting stars in the margins next to jokes that make him laugh in his first draft, because he realises that six weeks down the line, he won’t have a clue. But I digress. And possibly repeat myself from another blog entry.)

I genuinely didn’t know if it was any good. I was too close. I mean technically, it felt like it worked. Everything was in the right place. The funny bits felt like they should be funny, if only I wasn’t mouthing along with the actors. Justin and Neil thought it was really good. But the only bits I really laughed at were ad-libs I didn’t know about, or quirky takes I hadn’t seen in the rushes. I genuinely didn’t know.

Then we had a test screening. With real people. Most of which knew nothing about the film and none of which who had read the script. And they laughed. And we breathed out. And they liked it. And we breathed out some more. And they filled in questionnaires and offered opinions on what bits they thought were slow and what they liked and didn’t like.

And Gareth and the Editor considered these questionnaires and notes from us and went away and tweaked and tucked and recut.

And lo, then there was another test screening. Which scored even higher. And there was much rejoicing in the land.

And flushed with this early success, a small paranoid voice in the back of our collective heads whispers that maybe, just maybe, we’re all doomed.
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I gave a talk

I spoke for the best part of two hours, which felt very self indulgent, but the other writers there said they found it useful (see previous post, if you have no idea what I'm talking about.)

I'm reminded of the story of Woody Allen, who was rehearsing on his clarinet when someone knocked on the door and informed him with excitement that a few streets away people were queuing round the block waiting to see his new film. Woody was then left alone and pondered upon the fact that this piece of information hadn't changed anything. It was still just him alone in a room rehearsing.

Success is like that. Most things stay the same. Problems you had before success are still there afterwards. The biggest difference, at least for the moment, is that I don't have to go out and do things I don't want to do in order to stay fed and warm.

I will do eventually, but allow me my moment of smug self satisfaction before it all collapses around my ears.
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I'm Giving A Talk

The very thought makes me smile with stinging pangs of self-mockery.

Basically Joe Oppenheimer, our contact point and supporter from BBC Films asked me if I'd give a bit of a talk to some TV and Radio writers about my experiences on the rocky road to FAQATT. The phrase "teaching your granny to suck eggs" comes to mind.

And also, if I flipped the situation and found myself facing some upstart who'd come straight out of stand-up into feature film writing and I'd been bashing away doing radio and TV for years, I'd want to slap his impertinent little testes.

Anyhoo, I'm committed to doing it on Tuesday at some conference stylee stately home. I'll try not to be too much of a nob.

Having self-deprecated sufficiently, I've got to confess I am looking forward to talking to some other writers about the journey that got me here. I'm sure we'll all have had similar experiences with rejection, failure, juggling day jobs, stupid gutless commissioning bods, stupid producers, over-enthusiastic but talentless script editors and piles of things we've written that nobody wanted. Or is that just me?

(For anyone that's wondering, all of the above was before FAQATT got optioned. Relax.)

Joe was a bit concerned about how I'd feel about talking to a room full of strangers. I reminded him that I'd earned a living as a stand-up for six years regularly playing to 300+. This would be much less people and I wouldn't even have to make them laugh.

All I've got to do is make them not want to kill me.
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And that's a Wrap

Principal photography has finished. We had our wrap party during which I witnessed the incredible sight of one of the producers body popping. I wish I was making that up, but Neil Peplow is a big hip-hop fan and at one point was spinning on his back in the middle of the dance floor. And spinning some tunes. And then he popped a cap in our asses. Because he's old skool.

One of those statements is a lie.

I had a bit of a dance, then realised that the sedentary lifestyle of the writer has severely reduced my dance floor endurance. I started dancing like I used to in my twenties, then started sweating like a man in his fifties. Note to self: avoid heart attack by moving arms and legs occasionally in your life.

During the party I had three people independently comment to me that everyone was there "because of me". It felt it churlish to mention the free bar.

Joking aside, I know what they meant, and I kind of refute that idea. It's pandering to the worst kind of egotism. We are all where we are as the result of a lot of different things and people. For one thing, if the production staff and crew weren't working on this film, many of them would no doubt have found work on some other film. We all gotta eat.

Yes, my script was the catalyst to get these people together and that's kinda cool. But that's all it is. Took me long enough to get here. I've been trying to write things since I was sixteen.

When my script first got optioned, I asked Justin when I should celebrate. He said "When you're sitting in the cinema and the credits roll."

That was almost two years ago. I still haven't celebrated. Not really. Each little victory along the way I've done a little internal "Whoo-hoo!" but I've yet to really kick back and howl with joy. I wonder if it's really in me.

Our main boys (Marc, Dean and Chris) got me some presents and a home made card with a photo on the front. Which I would love to share, but seeing as they are all in costume in the piccy, it's a no-no. Very touching though.

Then we all shuffled away into the night, some vomiting, some crying, some babbling about the premiere.

Next stop, the rough assembly...
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Pinewood Studios Diary 9

It's always tricky with these things trying to give movie "news" without giving the game away plot wise. I feel a little bit like a soldier behind enemy lines with a MOD censor looking over my shoulder.

So with that in mind, we've shot all the scenes in the ***, the main location of the film, and that set is currently being destroyed. The action has now moved to an outdoor location for night shoots, which is the *** ******.

We have about a week of shooting left, everyone seems happy and the rushes look fantastic. I'm getting on very well with everyone apart from ******, who I think is a total tosser. I think I'll be doing a cameo in a big group scene which could be fun, as long as I don't have to stay there for the whole night, and can just wander out of shot and back to my fictional trailer. It's called a fictional trailer for two reasons; firstly, because that's where I write fiction and secondly, because it doesn't exist.

I've got a big list of other script ideas I want to work on when the dust has settled on this one. It's nice knowing that whatever I come up with, people will read it with the power to make it. Just being in that position is worth a hell of a lot for a writer.

I went to a party the other night, a kind of work's do for stand-up comics above the comedy café in London. It was good fun. It felt like being in dressing room without the pressure of having to do a gig at the end of it. Lots of old faces from the circuit, many of whom didn't recognise me with the beard and long hair. Or who claimed not to.

I didn't pimp the fact that I was making a film, but found myself telling a few people anyway, as many of them started conversations with "Didn't I hear you're making a film?" and in one surprising occasion "I auditioned for your film. Loved the script."
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Pinewood Studios Diary 8

Two sleeps till Christmas

Filming has stopped for a week. We're well over half way. And I think the film will be good. Everyone breathe out.

It's an odd process, rather like viewing lots of individual pieces of a jigsaw out of order and trying to figure out if when you put them all together you've going to end up with a picture of the Sistine Chapel Ceiling, or a picture of a tennis playing lady scratching her arse. I think we're far from Arseland. (Way to damn with faint praise there Jamie.)

The cast rock. Anna Faris glows. The gags work. The paradoxes make your head spin. Everyone on set is working their arses off to make this as good as it can be.

I was being interviewed for publicity purposes, and asked to give a reason, in one line, why people should go and see the film.

I said "Because it will mess with your head. In a good way."

For my own amusement, I was trying to think of a nice analogy for the film. What I eventually came up with was this:

On one stage you have the biggest glitzy extravaganza the world has ever seen; dancing girls, elephants, fire-breathing trapeze artists, with incredible dazzling pyrotechnics and costume changes every thirty seconds. And it's too much. The performers smiles seem fixed and false, going through the motions, a needy child screaming for your attention with nothing to say. The audience is restless and they don't know why. Surely the more stuff happening on stage, the better?

On another stage you have a lone spotlit man, juggling with three balls. That's all. But the man manages to pull off incredible tricks within his self imposed limits. He could have set the balls on fire, or juggled chainsaws, but he knew that if he did it right, all he needed was balls.

All you need is balls.

If FAQATT were a stage performer, it would be this guy:




Merry Christmas.

Bachelorette Video

This is partly my first attempt to embed a YouTube video, partly a plot/vibe clue to FAQATT and partly just sharing one of my favourite videos of all time; Bjork and Gondry's Bachelorette:

Pinewood Studios Diary 7

I've met Anna Faris on set a couple of times. She seems very nice. Expect more scandalous revelations of this nature soon. "Anna Faris in 'seems very nice' shock"

My brother and his friend came visiting the set yesterday. As he himself put it, his "film set awe" lasted the whole day.

His presence got me thinking about the origins of my story-telling drive, one of the roots of which is the practice of telling him stories when we were both children. I used to ad-lib wish fulfilment stories to him along the lines of "You're in the woods when you notice a hatchway in a tree which leads down to a secret underground base with a magic belt that turns you into a superhero. There is also a room filled with gold."

This was always great fun, the biggest thrill for me being his excitement at each fresh revelation as I came up with it. He would also suggest twists or new story elements as I went along, which I would gamely attempt to weave into the narrative.

And here I am, nearly thirty years later, gamely attempting to incorporate script notes into a screenplay and waiting for the audience's collective face to light up. Only I'm no longer sitting on a bunk bed or wearing all in one Robin Hood pyjamas.

Influences

For obvious reasons I can't go into the plot of FAQATT at this stage. This might change, but we've a long way to go before release, so let's pace ourselves. However, I do want to give some exclusive content to the literally dozens of people who are reading my blog.

I thought I could bang on a little about my influences, which will hopefully give people an idea of the zone we're playing in without giving away the shop.

Okay. Off the bat, the film is what I like to think of as "kitchen sink fantasy" (a term which I am hoping will enter into the lexicon of science fiction and fantasy lore. I am nothing if not ambitious).

My definition of "kitchen sink fantasy" is a genre story in which ordinary people find themselves in extraordinary situations, but can't stop behaving like ordinary people, for hopefully comic effect. It's the clash of the mundane concerns with the mind-blowingly otherworldly that hopefully causes the funnies.

Arthur Dent is a good example: shuffling around the Heart of Gold trying to get the computer to make him a decent cup of tea.

Which segues rather neatly into my love for The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. I first read the books and saw the television series when I was about fifteen and they took my head off. I take a guilty pleasure in the fact that FAQATT has the same amount of words in the title as THGTTG. And one more syllable.

Long titles. Gotta love 'em.

This could easily become an essay, but maybe I should end by just throwing in a list of other things I love which I feel are relevant to the film; Alan Moore, Sleuth, The Back to the Future series, Terminator 1 and 2, Philip K Dick, Frasier, The Likely Lads, Terry Pratchett, Kurt Vonnegut, 2000 a.d.

I hope that's given people something to chew over while waiting for more "real" news.
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Pinewood Studios Diary 6

I had an epiphany yesterday. The realisation that my film is being made hit me like a smack in the head. I was watching them shoot a scene on the monitor when the jolt of “Oh my God I made this up in my head and there are now dozens of people scurrying around making it real” occurred. You would assume, no doubt, that it was a pivotal moment, a vital shot that summed up the plot and/or characters. But no, it was actually a close up of some taps in a gents toilet.

Funny, that.
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Pinewood Studios Diary 5

To celebrate the start of shooting, we bought the three male leads a gift each (Anna Faris wasn't due for a couple of weeks). I suggested getting them each a model Delorean from the Back to the Future series - themically bang on, and BTTF is close to a lot of people's hearts on this production, including mine.

I knew that Marc would be into it, having already proven his geek credentials. I therefore ensured that he was given the cool one that flew in the second film, with wheels that swiveled downwards. I wasn't sure how Chris would feel about his gift, but Dean I felt sure would react with bemused disinterest bordering on aggression.

I wasn't let down. When I got to his dressing room, I discovered he was using it, still in it's box, to prop the door open.

We have cast very well in this film.
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FAQATT Writer Escapes Car Crash Death

7.30 a.m. this morning on the M25: Aquaplaned into the central reservation barrier, bounced off, careered across three lanes, swerved to avoid a lorry, skidded back into the central reservation barrier where the car finally stopped.

Got out, and ran across the motorway to the hard shoulder where I did a little jig because I was still alive.

Not a scratch on me. No other vehicles involved. On set within the hour with a new found respect for life and an arrogant belief in my own charmed immortality.

Welcome

Welcome to the screenwriter's blog for "Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel" a farcical science fiction comedy feature film currently in production with HBO and BBC Films.

It stars Anna Faris (Scary Movie series) as a girl from the future, Chris O'Dowd (The IT Crowd) and Marc Wootton (Shirley Ghostman) as a couple of geeks and Dean Lennox Kelly (Shameless) as their cynical friend, who try to unravel a paradox in a British pub.

It's being directed by Gareth Carrivick (Little Britain, The Smoking Room) and written by first time writer Jamie Mathieson. That would be me then.

I'll keep this at the top of the blog for new visitors but keep checking below for regular updates.
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Just Here To Make Dreams Come True

While exhaustively reading every scrap of speculation on the net about FAQATT (as lazy typists everywhere are already calling the film) I came upon this snippet on Film Ick:

Jamie Mathieson is the screenwriter of Frequently Asked Questions about Time Travel, the new "three men walk into a pub"/sci-fi comedy film being produced by the beeb and HBO. Mathieson is keeping a blog, and I think it looks set to be one of the more interesting online production diaries. It's a minor - and very recently developed ambition of mine - to get a mention, and possibly link, on this blog.

See, I'm just here to make dreams come true. Picture me as a Jimmy Saville figure in a chair with a built in teasmade. (Reference to UK show from the 1980's. Do not be alarmed.)

So here's that link again. But come back soon, y'hear?

Film Publicity 2

Nature abhors a vaccuum. The internet abhors a one line pitch. If no futher lines are available, they will be spun from the ether, as in this outline of FAQATT from Insomniacmania:

Anna Farris stars as hot girl (her character hasn't got a name yet) from the future in this new British sci fi comedy.

She travels back in time to answers three social outcasts questions about time travel, after a debate about the subject is started in a pub, and then time travel adventures begin.

If I was to remove all the erroneous supposition from that, we would be left with:

Anna Farris stars as a hot girl from the future in this new British sci fi comedy. She travels back in time to three social outcasts in a pub.

One site down, fifty to go.

And while we're on the topic, I love the way everyone is focusing on the whole "social outcasts" aspect of this. Maybe in the US, being a social outcast is seen as a problem. Over here, it's a badge of honour. I mean, have you been in society lately? They're eating their dead out there, man.
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Pinewood Studios Diary 4

So. Filming is underway.

The set is a hive of activity, full of busy people with jobs to do. Apart from me, who's job, for the most part, is done. I spent a few days hovering in the background, watching various takes on monitors, chatting to the actors between set-ups before realising that I was a spare part.

I was warned I would get bored. I was warned that it was pointless to stay. I scoffed at this idea. How could I ever tire of watch things I had invented come alive? But you see ten takes of the same set of lines from various angles and you're looking for the fast forward button.

Either you spend the days biting your fingernails and whispering in the director's ear until you drive him insane and you get forcibly removed from set, or you gracefully accept your redundancy and stroll off whistling. I chose the whistling option.

However I will return to watch some juicy scenes being done. There are some corkers that I have to be there for. And I really can't moan about the level of involvement I've had upto this stage. I've been hands on for most of the rehearsals and had input to some degree or other in every aspect of the production. I know it's all in very safe hands.

We're making a movie! Whoo hoo!

I'll be in my trailer if you need me.

Film Publicity

I'm chuckling to myself as I watch the ripples of publicity spread across the net. Errors being copied, reworded and becoming the new truth.

At the moment there are only two original sources; The Hollywood Reporter and Empire, but The Reporter has misspelled Marc Wootton's name as "Wootan", an error which is popping up like mushrooms elsewhere, making it quite easy to see who is simply rearranging the words from this story.

And sometimes in the reinterpretation, meaning is lost, such as Virgin Movie's assertion that "The 'Scary Movie' actress will play the role of one of three misfits who try to figure out the complexities of chronological time travel while drinking in the pub."

Come on guys. Do the maths. Or "math", if you're in the US, which is kind of appropriate as there is one less letter than there should be.

We have three blokes and one girl from the future. Which is why we name three male actors and one female. Anna is not one of the three misfit blokes.

This doesn't stop the pure speculation of filmstalker: "The story sounds a bit like a British Bill and Ted. Two guys are sitting in the pub discussing how time travel could really happen and what the issues of paradoxes are when suddenly Faris appears as a time traveller herself"

Wow. It's like he read the script. For some other film.

But a couple of sites have complemented the title, such as Cinema Blend and Slashfilm, who call it "The most interesting movie title in years"

Hooray, my first positive review!

Then they ruin it all by saying that the "plot doesn't sound as interesting as the title".

Boo! They give with one hand and they take with the other.

The moral of the story: Never read reviews. Even of the one line announcements of your films.

Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel

The news is out about my film;

From the The Hollywood Reporter:

"Anna Faris is toplining "Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel," a farcical sci-fi comedy that also will star British comic actors Chris O'Dowd, Marc Wootan and Dean Lennox Kelly.

Gareth Carrivick is directing the movie, which will be a Picturehouse release in association with BBC Films and HBO Films.

The script, written by Jamie Mathieson, follows three social outcasts -- two geeks and a cynic -- as they attempt to navigate a time-travel conundrum in the middle of a British pub. Faris plays a girl from the future who sets the adventure in motion.

Neil Peplow and Justin Smith are producing via Dog Lamp Films Ltd.

Shooting is due to start next week in the U.K."

From Empire:

"Continuing the healthy flow of American actors heading to work in Britain, Anna Faris has agreed to star in Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel, a decidedly Brit-centric geekfest.

It sees three misfits – two nerds and their sarcastic, cynical mate – trying to figure out the paradoxes and problems of chronological travel in (where else) the pub. Faris will appear as a woman from the future who sets them on the path to adventure.

Also starring in the film are three rising UK comic types – The IT Crowd’s Chris O’Dowd, Shameless’ Dean Lennox Kelly and Shirley Ghostman’s Marc Wootton.

Working from a script by Jamie Matheson, Gareth Carrivick will start calling the shots next week."

The Screenwriter's Prayer

“God, grant me the humility to accept the notes that will help the script, the courage to fight the notes that will damage the script,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

- Jamie Mathieson (after Reinhold Niebuhr)

Pinewood Studios Diary 3

Once your fame cherry has been popped, you can never go back.

For me, it was the first time I stood back stage in the dressing room of a comedy club, waiting to go on, only to find the headliner standing in his pants, ironing his trousers on a brown stained creaking ironing board.

The fact that he was bounding onto the stage an hour or so later with a spring in his step to rapturous applause didn't have quite the same glamour anymore. The bubble was popped, for I had seen behind the curtain to a world not of magic and wonder but of mundane and every day concerns.

Performers were not gods. Comedians had the same worries and problems as everyone else. Dressing rooms could be dirty, smelly crowded places, no different in many ways to factory locker rooms. This was just another section of the real world, with a glamorous public face, true, but a disappointingly common place underbelly.

The same was true of the first time I saw my words being performed by others: initial excitement, then irritation that the lines weren't being delivered exactly as I imagined them in my mind, then finally boredom as I saw the same lines being said ten times in a row for the benefit of coverage. The dream had lost it's sheen as it entered the world of work.

But now. To my film.

We are filming at Pinewood and we have been rehearsing at Shepperton. Pop goes that potential glamour bubble. It feels just like two factories, with all the attendant security guards, hanger like spaces and whistling caretakers with walkie talkies.

In offices on the lot, there is a growing team of artisans designing and building sets, scouting locations and planning the shoot. All based around things I made up.

I think it will be a while before that bubble pops.

And rehearsals? Ah, rehearsals. Here I did the opposite of imagining glamour. I imagined frustration, assuming that the director would direct (it is his job description after all) and that I would watch, inert and powerless on the margins, fearful of breaking the bond of trust between him and the actors, fearful of overstepping my own job description.

Instead I have been welcomed in to a wonderland of collaboration, as we all work to make the script and performance of that script as good as it can possibly be. All credit to the director, Gareth Carrivick. Only someone who is supremely confident of their own position and ability could give the actors and myself the liberty which we have enjoyed.

I mentioned to my wife that these days had probably been my best working experience as a writer so far. "Well." she said "Then what you mean is that this has been the best working experience you've ever had."

She's right.