Friday, March 23, 2007

An Open Letter To Myspace Users

See if this sounds familiar;

Someone asks to be your friend on Myspace that you’ve never heard of. You check out their profile and think: “Our Venn diagrams don’t overlap even a sliver. We have nothing in common at all. This friendship would be a huge mistake.” But then an inner voice accuses you of being an old curmudgeon and that you’re missing the whole point of social networking so you click on “Accept” and welcome them in to your bulging friend pit.

And instantly, your “bulletin space” lights up with two or three inane pieces of crud from your “new friend” that you have no interest in whatsoever.

Here is my advice to you: delete that so called friend immediately. Dump ‘em. Leave them confused as to why their friend list bleeds members every time they send out a bulletin.

If I wanted to know your deep inner thoughts I would read your fucking blog. If I wanted to find out what side of the bed you slept on, I would sleep with you. If I wanted to find out your favourite colour, I would pull both your eyes out with a fork then ask you what colour you missed the most. Stop telling me this shite.

I even debate the merit of pimping gigs you’re doing. Fine. Do it. But in moderation. Save it for the really special gigs you’re justifiably proud of. If I want to find out where you’re playing I’ll visit your page.

I realise of course that in sending this out, I risk the same fate I am recommending. My friends list may suffer a sudden huge drop in members, but I win either way, as to do that you’ll all be conceding, even as you delete me: “You know what, that guy had a point. Bye bye you smug fucker.”

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